Wild West Weather.

As we speak, geneticists the world over are hunting down the gene that compels Englishmen to spend so much time talking about the weather.

Accordingly, it would be remiss for any Englishman not to consider the weather whilst in the U.S.. So here goes.

In total, per square mile, the U.S. has exactly the same amount of weather as the U.K.. However, the U.S. has more square miles than the U.K.. Therefore, it has more weather. Fact.

So much more weather ensures the demand for a television channel entirely devoted to this phenomenon. As a consequence of it's size and the subsequent weather possibilities, every day there is a part of the U.S. that is concentrated on by this channel, chosen by virtue of the excitement potential of the weather. By that I mean, if the weather is sufficiently lively to cause fatalities, the Weather Channel sends in meterologists by the dozen to cover it. As a consequence, Weather Channel meteorologists regularly feature in the Top Ten most dangerous occupations in the U.S. Throughout April and early May, the local weather has been sufficiently dull not to feature greatly on the Weather Channel. Two days ago, all that changed. Crossing the great divide two days ago has turned out to be perfect timing. There's not much chance of getting over it for a few more days now. However, the system causing such damage is also attracting inclement weather over Yellowstone Park. In Bozeman, not 100 miles from Yellowstone, it is merely raining on and off. The problem here is whether to visit Yellowstone when the weather is disappointing. The answer to that is a resounding NO! Citizens and tourists alike are being advised to avoid elevations over 6000 ft, mainly because of the traffic jams caused by a nation's weather reporters, but also because of the wintry storms taking place there. Yellowstone averages 7000 ft.

We've met snow before, at the top of the Lolo and Flesher passes. This snow was extremely placid, Lolo's was merely melting and Flesher's, although fresh, was intermittent and sparse. By all accounts, the current snow related excitement over Yellowstone and the Great Divide is enough to place a cyclist wearing plastic bags over his feet into the insane category. The only option available then is to spend a few days in Bozeman, Montana. There's nothing inherently wrong with Bozeman but Tourists who spend longer than four days here are regarded not with curiosity but with suspicion. However, having found a relatively cheap motel with a laundry next door and, crucially, access to the internet that is precisely what yours truly is going to do. Fortunately, it's the weekend, the Memorial Day weekend to boot. So the first two days shall be spent in an alcoholic haze and when I wake Monday, all the part-time long weekend tourists who ignored the warnings, will be departing the Park, along with, fingers crossed, the exciting weather and journalists in body bags. Then and only then will you be able to read about the natural wonder that is Yellowstone. Provided it doesn't blow up before then.