I can only imagine.

Disapointingly, after a few days sans television in Yellowstone, I've found myself paying attention to the goggle box when I should be warming down. Mr McCafferty will kill me. Anyway, there's a startling array of services being pitched at you over the ether. The first that springs to mind is that stalwart of spammers worldwide, penis enlargement. I kid you not. The star of this advertisement is dressed up as Santa and his queue is staffed entirely by ladies with expectant smiles on their faces. The punchline is, 'The gift that keeps on giving'.

Another magic pill concerns losing weight, "and I quote, "[brand name] is clinically proven to help you lose pure body fat with no change in lifestyle!'. One or two questions spring immediately to mind, for example, how can this magic bullet know which fat is pure?, even more alarming, How are we to get rid of our impure body fat? I don't know the answer to either of these questions but I do know that we shouldn't have our scientists wasting time clinically proving diet pills.

Science brings me to an advert for popular chocolate treat. As we know, scientists are directly responsible for global warming. Ask yourself, would it have occurred to you without them? Anyway, the consequences of global warming are many and varied and there are many and varied reasons why we should take action on it. Ensuring our future generations understand that documentary about Emperor penguins for one. Another excellent reason why we should tke action on global warming that won't have occurred to you has been pointed out by a certain chocolate manufacturer. If we don't then all our chocolate will melt. There can't be anyone on the planet, alive or dead, who would want that. Diet pill manufacturers included.

The last advertisement to attract my unwarranted attention is a music compilation, "..chockful of power christian anthems...". There are all sorts of reasons why you should avoid using the word power when you're merely mortal and believe in an all powerful deity. Nevertheless a multitude of well known artists have contributed to this medley. Among them is Michael Charles' 'In Christ Alone', Rick Mullins' 'Awesome God' and to cap off this imaginatively titled trio, Twila Paris and her 'God is in Control. For those who would lie to purchase a copy, it's entitled 'I can only Imagine'.

Yes, quite.